Sunday, October 21, 2007
Enough of this Garbage
So, I had written the 2nd part of my trip to Nashville and while it wasn't the most thrilling adventure on the planet, it was still mildly entertaining. However, for whatever reason, the blog decided not to save the very long draft I made, and I don't feel like writing it again. I also decided that I want to start doing more movie reviews and making the site more entertaining which means less about my life and more articles on stuff I find amusing. I will update this thing more I promise.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Weekend Escape to the Music City (Part 1)
I remember a few months ago. I was feeling the same way I felt last week. I just wanted to get the hell out of Memphis and get away from everyone and everything. I just wanted to hop into my car and drive. It didn't matter where I would end up. I just wanted to go. So after making the drunk declaration last Saturday that I was going to Nashville. Fuck it, I was going. I didn't really give Brad much time to prepare for my arrival, but I packed my stuff and left right after work on Friday.
I've never driven anywhere by myself. Probably the furthest was to Tunica. So I believe it was the first hour into my trip when I realized that I was really enjoying being by myself and that the drive wouldn't be so bad. Of course, that was two seconds before the car in front of me hit its breaks unexpectedly. I had to slam on my breaks which caused the 18-wheeler behind me to slam on its breaks. Apparently its driver didn't like the fact that I didn't want to run into the very expensive looking Lexus in front of me and let me know by blasting his horn. I in turn opened my back window, flipped him off and told him to go fuck himself .
After that little incident, everything was going fine. Until I was 80 miles from Nashville when traffic began to slow and came to a full stop. I had a feeling I would be there a while when I saw some guys get out of a car and start throwing a football. Mandi informed me with a text that 2 miles up the road a truck was on fire. There honestly was nothing positive to say about sitting on 40 for an hour except I got to see the sunset over the TN river.
Eventually we started to move again, and I passed the 18-wheeler that was on fire. I tried to take a good picture of it. I figured I deserved at least one after the inconvenience it caused me. However the flash went off, ruining the picture and surprising the dozen fire fighters standing next to the truck. It still looks kind of cool.
I continued onward to Nashville with no further delays. I used my final cell phone minutes of the month talking to Brad after "WE" were unable to decipher the alternate directions he gave me. Luckily Tom Tom was able to hope online and get me safely to his place. I dropped off my stuff and we went to the 3 Crow Bar for dinner and drinks. After a good amount of beers, Brad, Katie and I went back to their place and for whatever reason (I don't remember exactly how it came up) Brad and I started to talk about hooking me up with Katie's best friend. While drinking two big bottles of Maredsous, Brad decided to text her friend to inform her I was in town.
These are the following text messages: I had no input in any of these messages by the way. Well, maybe some of the first.
"Dear Barbara, My kosher friend would like 2 engage U N relations. Has truck. Will travel. Ignore bf buying house. A night you will never 4get." No response
(She apparently is afraid of handicapped people..How this came up? I have no idea)..shortly after the first text, he wrote.
"Adam will euthanize crippled ppl 4 U" - For the record, I only euthanize handicapped people for large bags of combos (pizza flavor prefered) and 20 oz. bottles of Code Red.
After both bottles of beer were gone. Brad wrestled with Katie. They both somehow ended up in the bathroom. I was sitting on the couch wondering what exactly was going on, and probably 5 minutes after they ended up in there he sent her this.
"Adam's balls r smooth as eggs." How he knew...I will never know.
That was around 2am. I passed out shortly after.
That ended Friday.
I've never driven anywhere by myself. Probably the furthest was to Tunica. So I believe it was the first hour into my trip when I realized that I was really enjoying being by myself and that the drive wouldn't be so bad. Of course, that was two seconds before the car in front of me hit its breaks unexpectedly. I had to slam on my breaks which caused the 18-wheeler behind me to slam on its breaks. Apparently its driver didn't like the fact that I didn't want to run into the very expensive looking Lexus in front of me and let me know by blasting his horn. I in turn opened my back window, flipped him off and told him to go fuck himself .
After that little incident, everything was going fine. Until I was 80 miles from Nashville when traffic began to slow and came to a full stop. I had a feeling I would be there a while when I saw some guys get out of a car and start throwing a football. Mandi informed me with a text that 2 miles up the road a truck was on fire. There honestly was nothing positive to say about sitting on 40 for an hour except I got to see the sunset over the TN river.
Eventually we started to move again, and I passed the 18-wheeler that was on fire. I tried to take a good picture of it. I figured I deserved at least one after the inconvenience it caused me. However the flash went off, ruining the picture and surprising the dozen fire fighters standing next to the truck. It still looks kind of cool.
I continued onward to Nashville with no further delays. I used my final cell phone minutes of the month talking to Brad after "WE" were unable to decipher the alternate directions he gave me. Luckily Tom Tom was able to hope online and get me safely to his place. I dropped off my stuff and we went to the 3 Crow Bar for dinner and drinks. After a good amount of beers, Brad, Katie and I went back to their place and for whatever reason (I don't remember exactly how it came up) Brad and I started to talk about hooking me up with Katie's best friend. While drinking two big bottles of Maredsous, Brad decided to text her friend to inform her I was in town.
These are the following text messages: I had no input in any of these messages by the way. Well, maybe some of the first.
"Dear Barbara, My kosher friend would like 2 engage U N relations. Has truck. Will travel. Ignore bf buying house. A night you will never 4get." No response
(She apparently is afraid of handicapped people..How this came up? I have no idea)..shortly after the first text, he wrote.
"Adam will euthanize crippled ppl 4 U" - For the record, I only euthanize handicapped people for large bags of combos (pizza flavor prefered) and 20 oz. bottles of Code Red.
After both bottles of beer were gone. Brad wrestled with Katie. They both somehow ended up in the bathroom. I was sitting on the couch wondering what exactly was going on, and probably 5 minutes after they ended up in there he sent her this.
"Adam's balls r smooth as eggs." How he knew...I will never know.
That was around 2am. I passed out shortly after.
That ended Friday.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Operation Textkrieg
I warned him. Well I tried to warn him. Andy (Chad) Asbury has had his new phone for 4 months, yet has neglected to set up a voice mail for it. Now I know it probably shouldn't bother me or anyone else, but on numerous occasions, I have wanted to leave a message with Mr. Asbury and of course I was denied simply because Andy's lazy ass couldn't spend the 5 minutes necessary to call his own phone number, enter a pin, and (if he chooses to do so) leave a message saying "Hey, this is Andy, leave a message." It is such a hassle to set it up I know, but I thought he could handle it. So after many attempts to convince him last month, I told Andy if he didn't put up a voice mail, I would unfortunately have to bombard him with text messages. He took it as an idle threat. Poor, silly Andy.
Andy (archived photo)
Enter Operation Textkrieg.
On Friday, September 14, 2007 at 3 PM CST, a group of brave individuals (and me) took time out of their busy lives to text Andy with a vengeance. Around noon, I texted him with "I warned you about not having voice mail" to which he replied "Yep, you did warn me." I then sent "Today the hammer falls" (Aldan's line..can't take credit for it) and I received a response of "yeah, yeah." It was officially on. Shank led the attack with around 15 texts quoting movie lines and included a pic of a shirtless Richard Gere that I am sure Andy really enjoyed. Powers followed with step by step instructions on how to make Tabasco sauce since it is the only thing Andy truly fears. Dickey and myself added additional messages which warned him that the battle would not stop until he submitted. And just when he thought it was safe to put away his phone, there was a late text attack by Chalona. Overall, Andy probably received over 50 messages in under 15 minutes.
It was a valiant day for all. One that has made me truly proud in all of my friends,...well except for one. Andy has still refused to put up a voice mail. His excuses range from "not having it in his contract" to "don't want to pay extra." While all these excuses are completely ridiculous, it appears that he is steadfast in being a voice mail-less jackass. That being said, I have news for Mr. Chad (Tucker) Asbury. More will join the fight. We may have lost this one battle, but we will win the war!
I swear it!
Rubes...
On Friday, September 14, 2007 at 3 PM CST, a group of brave individuals (and me) took time out of their busy lives to text Andy with a vengeance. Around noon, I texted him with "I warned you about not having voice mail" to which he replied "Yep, you did warn me." I then sent "Today the hammer falls" (Aldan's line..can't take credit for it) and I received a response of "yeah, yeah." It was officially on. Shank led the attack with around 15 texts quoting movie lines and included a pic of a shirtless Richard Gere that I am sure Andy really enjoyed. Powers followed with step by step instructions on how to make Tabasco sauce since it is the only thing Andy truly fears. Dickey and myself added additional messages which warned him that the battle would not stop until he submitted. And just when he thought it was safe to put away his phone, there was a late text attack by Chalona. Overall, Andy probably received over 50 messages in under 15 minutes.
It was a valiant day for all. One that has made me truly proud in all of my friends,...well except for one. Andy has still refused to put up a voice mail. His excuses range from "not having it in his contract" to "don't want to pay extra." While all these excuses are completely ridiculous, it appears that he is steadfast in being a voice mail-less jackass. That being said, I have news for Mr. Chad (Tucker) Asbury. More will join the fight. We may have lost this one battle, but we will win the war!
I swear it!
Rubes...
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